asher63 (asher63) wrote,


does have its upside. I like being able to remember the moon landings!

In all seriousness, what I like best is the familiarity with myself. Knowing my body, its capabilities and its limitations. Knowing my mind and my temperament, how hard I can push myself out of my comfort zone and when I need to back off.

As a young kid I used to cop an attitude that "I don't care what anybody thinks of me!" Ha. Now I know what it's like to REALLY not care what anybody thinks, and it is grand.

Keeping my cool when I need to is way easier than it used to be. As a young person I used to struggle with anger a lot. And depression is another thing that just doesn't seem to trouble me anymore. Even into my 40s I would get into really bleak moods and have self-destructive thoughts. Now? Sometimes I get lonely, or I'm dissatisfied about one thing or another, but that kind of depression just doesn't happen anymore. I don't know if it's age (and, hopefully, maturity) alone that's done the trick, or if having Bunny in my life made the difference, but it's apparently a permanent change for the better.

I think about mortality plenty, but not in the mystified way I did when I was younger. It was something largely unreal then, and far-off - exotic and monstrous, yet abstract. Now? I'm thinking in concrete, pragmatic terms about it, and getting on with life. I've got a will made out, I've worked out a calendar for my expected age at various points in the future, and I'm going to be looking into buying a plot before too long. And other than that, I'm planning out the years I figure I've got left and gonna try to make the most of them.
Tags: old age and treachery

  • Post a new comment


    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened

    Your IP address will be recorded 

    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.