VANCOUVER (The News Desk) — A coyote that has been seen wandering around the campus of the University of British Columbia has suddenly found himself with more than $21,000 in outstanding student loan debt.
“I don’t know, yesterday I lost my way in the forest and ended up wandering around the campus for a few hours. Next thing I know, I’m getting an email from the NSLSC saying that my loans are going into repayment,” said the coyote.
“I am not in a position to take on this much debt right now.”
The coyote told press that his predicament is proof of how much the costs of higher education have spiralled out of control in recent years.
“All I did was eat a squirrel near the Main Library and make eye contact with a professor. Many students spend five, sometimes six years bathing, breeding and foraging on this campus. I can’t imagine what their costs are like.”
Vice-president Students Louise Cowin said that students should not expect exemption from student fees just because they are wildlife.
“I don’t care if you’re an animal — a wolf or a bird or whatever. Many of our students manage to complete undergraduate degrees without displaying any higher-order cognitive functioning.”