Bunny is with me for a week for the winter holidays. I thought it would be fun to call her mom, G, in California to wish her a happy new year. I put the speakerphone on. Everybody started gabbing away happily, and then G casually mentioned this wonderful present (a solar system model, I think) that had been bought for Bunny by somebody named Chris. It turns out that he (it turns out that he's a he) has become rather close with G, and they're talking about getting a home together. Well, this was all rather a surprise to me, but hey, life is like a box of chocolates.
It was not news to Bunny, who promptly burst into tears. It then dawned on G that this might not have been the best moment to bring up the glad tidings, and she instructed me to clarify to Bunny that the introduction of a new leading male role in G's life in no way affects my relationship with Bunny, and that I am not threatened and my feelings are not hurt (no indeed, "crushed" or "devastated" or "heart smashed into itty bitty pieces" might be closer to the truth), and that everything is going to be just fine fine fine.
So I told G what she wanted to hear, and got off the phone, and sat with Bunny on the couch for a while comforting her (well, we were comforting each other) and then I read her a chapter from the 'Little House' books and told her it was time to get to bed.
She insisted on watching something on TV to take her mind off of the family situation, and with not too much prodding, I gave in.
"I want to watch the mermaid show!" she said.
"Okay," I said, "I know you like the show. And anyway, I don't mind watching it, 'cuz the mermaids are kind of pretty."
Rationally, I do not want to get back with G. Irrationally, I think about it all the time.
I know it would be a bad idea - we're not right for each other, and despite all the progress she has made, there are still things that I know would be continuing problems if we tried to start a relationship again. But that's not what stops me from trying to get her back.
What stops me is, What if it went wrong? Again? Because now it's not just ourselves we have to think of, now it's Bunny. We were together until she was about two and a half, and then she saw us split up. I can't risk putting her through that again.
So, moving forward.