asher63 (asher63) wrote,
asher63
asher63

Changes

So as I've mentioned here previously in friend posts, I'm starting a new situation this week. It's a live-in job in the hill country outside of the city.

I am both excited and nervous about it. It's a great opportunity, and a really good match for my particular skill set. But the thought of uprooting myself to a new physical environment (yet again) fills me with visceral dread. Everybody hates moving, I guess, and I've done much more moving in the past few years than I would have liked. What I really long for is a place I can just settle down.

But I think there may be another component to my feeling of panic, which also goes along with starting on a trip - even one that I'm looking forward to, like my Africa trip last year. Maybe it's connected to the fact that I live alone.

I don't have a steady relationship, or even very many close ongoing connections with people. I have friends, but I don't have family or close friends or even co-workers that I see every day.

Perhaps I've been finding comfort and constancy in my physical surroundings as a surrogate for a network of close human relationships. When I move, I'm alone; when I travel, I'm alone. So I'm moving from one environment to another without the comfort of familiar companionship.

So anyway. There's that little insight for whatever it may be worth. The good news is, those things may be changing soon. The people I'll be working for are great folks (I know them through a family member in the community) and although they're getting on in years they are very active and often have family and friends over; plus they have a couple of other full-time staff that I'll get to know. And who knows, there may be other promising connections on the horizon.
Tags: life
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