If I can ever figure out how to work the frackin' thing.
It comes with not one but TWO instruction books, numbering 30 and 126 pages. They contain, respectively, six and eighteen pages of English. One also features Spanish instructions and a warranty form (with a space for "Owners Name") and a list of Citizen service centers around the world. The other includes instructions in German, French, Spanish, Italian, Portuguese, and Chinese.
So I have acquired a veritable Rosetta Stone of watch instructions, which will surely be helpful when I decide to teach myself all of the above languages. But it's of no use whatsoever in understanding how the watch works. Because the instructions - the English ones, at any rate - go exactly as far as setting the time (1. Pull the crown out to the time setting position. 2. Turn the crown to set the time. 3. After setting the time back in to the normal position.) and then go on to discuss battery replacement, cleaning, and water resistant properties. So as far as using the stopwatch, alarm, or any other advanced features, I'm left to sink or swim.
Good thing it's a water resistant watch.
So today I finally admitted defeat and went to the drugstore to buy one of those cheap plastic watches. I got suckered in by the good looks of an Aspen, which has hands as well as a digital display, and even comes with comprehensive instructions in English! My lucky day.
Well, I took it home and peeled the Made In China sticker off and went about setting the digital part to tell the right time - that went smoothly enough. Then it was time to set the watch hands, which I did ... but a couple of hours later I discovered that the watch hands don't work! (They did in the store. I guess I screwed up when I made the mistake of trying to set it to the correct time.) So I now have a fully functional digital watch with a purely ornamental pair of clock hands attached to it.
"Made in China," I grumbled. " **** **** **** Communist engineering."
But my humiliation was not yet complete. Turning the watch over in frustration, I spied the following words engraved on the back of the case:
So it's come to this. Now I ask you, what kind of a world is it where the Japanese can't even make watches anymore?